Its the new year, woohoo. My new years resolutions are threefold. 1/ Stop crying as much when i masturbate. 2/ Learn willy grind benihanas. 3/ Listen to more R-Kelly music (If music be the food of love, play on).
This New Years Eve me, Aaron, Passos and Mikey went to Newport skatepark. In classic skater/Passos fashion we had no idea what it involved or who it was with. Infact Passos couldn't really tell us anything other than we'd be skating Newport Skatepark and his friend from Salisbury would be there. It turned out to be fun and is the first time ive skated in to the new year, everyone in the park getting in a massive line to tour round the park at midnight. Pissed from the outset everyone skated suprisingly well and downing port and then jumping into a fast, crowded bowl carve is something Im glad i experienced at least once. So be optomistic for the new year, as it is the year of the FAKE SNAKE!!!

2008 is almost gone and jesus still hasnt come back. Well not since ras tafari anyways. There will be a full review of the year next year. Bless Jah and see the light in 2009. Peace.

I have eaten my weight in roast and in chocolate. Not much effort here, so here's some old photos. You callin me cheap............... oh you are. Well next year I might have a job.

Here in the Taunton Skateboard SceneTM, we always welcome new skaters. Normally its followed by wiping their tears, with a very soft tissue, as we tell them the state of affairs in this town. Rob came in to the scene and being the likable lad that he is, was instantly welcomed. Its a shame then to report that Rob has a problem. A DRUG problem. Yes the 'D' bomb. Even worse is that he seems to be openly happy about it. I saw him jack up some scag on the way back from Morribund as he was skating in the street. He then threw it on the floor and said 'Russ take a picture of me big upping my dirty needle'. I did (picture below) for fear of him stabbing me with his follow up hit (he always does two in a row). I tried telling him it was frowned upon in society but he then said 'Russ mate, come to Hengrove and I'll show you what it does for me'. Well I cant disagree here, as you can see below, Rob gets higher airs by geting high. This leaves me with a tricky situation on what to do. Do i leave him on the drugs until the video is finished or do we cut his footage short and get him to rehab? Please help me help Rob with your suggestions......
(COMING SOON - Coverage of the 2nd annual Ape Skates Christmas game of SKATE. Rob didn't win cause he did five hits in a row, but did eat a live squirrel)

This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons. This is Sunday. This is Morrisons.

The repetative nature of skating in Taunton. At least we still manage to have fun. I think we should bank that ledge sometime soon; just think how much more fun it would be to have a perfect sized wedge at 45 degrees. More fun than an egg sandwich!!!

Lots of people kill themselves in Finland cause its dark and cold all the time.
Here's 3 photos from this week.

1. Andy Braithwaite/Noseblunt Stalefish - Staplegrove mini is the only council supplied thing worth riding and it is shit. Now its winter its even shitter. Check out how deep that rust is all over the ramp. If you fall you'll never be clean again, a bit like the bog of eternal stench in The Labryinth. It takes an hour to dry regardless of its rained or not and is situated around a muddy field, because for some reason all skateparks are made in muddy or dusty places. Well in Taunton they are. But as we all know Braithwaite would blunt it at night in the snow with all his entrails hanging out.

2. Ape Skates and Blackcat Records - When things get bad you have to turn to alternative hobbies and sports in winter. Here we can see the first annual ape/blackcat dog fight. This one is Gnarly vs Bruce. Know you'd expect a dog called Gnarly to win but he is the little white puppy being held by a 3 year old and Bruce is the fully grown rotweiller. Suprisingly, though, it lasted three hours.

3. Aaron White/Switch Krook - You get 10 people up for a skate and then it fucking rains. The first undercover spot is wet, so we move on to the second and we are kicked out before we even skate. Then we go to a strip of semi dry concrete with bad lighting and wonder why we aren't chucking ourselves of the multi storey carpark we are skating under. Still Aaron produced this beast out of nowhere on a much higher than it looks (the black marble on the bottom makes it look smaller me reckons) grindbox on its side. I guess you've just gotta make the best of it and this switch krook is the best of it. 

Yes folks, unfortunately its true. Matt Passos's evil twin Pat Massos is still alive. Like so many fictional people before him, he just keeps coming back to life, like Jason, Freddy, the shark from Jaws (never really understood that one) and let us all remember the touching scene in Terminator 3 where Arnie (a heartless, reprogrammed, killing machine, with absolutely no feelings or emotions) makes himself come back to life in order to save his friend John O'Conner. Oh, how i cried, the salty tears creating an ocean of sadness, in which I had to paddle for days. Where am I going with this. Nowhere.

Jon Vallance has taken all MY video equipment. Who the fuck does he think he is. OK so he technically owns it all and has leant me all his expensive stuff out of freindship and is shooting a music video for his brother, but Jesus Christ man thats MY stuff and who the fuck do you think you are. This country!!! So this video blog is now photo blog and i will endeavour to update it everyday so its like a really, really slow animation that doesn't really link up or animate. Anyways, you know how people are always shouting at us "skaters are gay", "skateboarding is gay", "skaters are homo's", "skating is homo gay" or "you're gay". How do they know? (p.s. there is no reason for homophobia, but i guess its mainly down to a small vocabulary and lack of creativity in insults and the occasionally repressed chav who just really, really wants to cuddle his friend and nibble his ear. "why do i have to go around being a mouthy prick, i just want a prick in my mouth")

Yes this is a day of celebration. No phil hasn't found my £15 yet, though he assures me its coming. I've probablly been over harsh to him, but I do like making people feel bad. But not today. Today is celebration as stated in the opening sentance. First Chris McGinley (real name Chris McFuck) has turned 30. All round nicest guy in Taunton skateboard sceneTM and most unique aproach to skateboarding in the Taunton skateboard sceneTM, Chris is well on the way to producing a section which I believe is uncomparable to any other video realese. We wish you a very happy birthday and hope you'll grace the shity streets of Taunton with your unique skating for many years. Secondly watch this video for more celebrations. A landmark of great proportions has been reached in Ape Skates. To Ape Skates and the McFuck!!!
(may I also say good luck to blueprint after faze 7 have gone bust and I used Bonnie Tylers 'Total Eclipse of The Heart' before that fucking remake of the cadburys gorilla advert. They must be watching snake blog - just like every song on a skate vid is on a advert a year after it comes out)

Aaron said he'll be here at 9, I should be ready to go - "WE ARE DEFINITELY LEAVING EARLY TO GO TO DAWLISH", he said. Its just gone 9.30 I phoned him and he is in bed. I have made four fucking sandwiches. I could have had scramble egg on toast but I didnt think I had time to scramble. Just toast. Just   toast..... Here's a stupid advert for hats that is probablly pointless, like expecting Aaron to turn up on time or most other banal, zombiefying, plasticated, sickly, celebrity endorsed, unnecessary crap selling adverts. Also Youtube keeps cutting the ends of these videos. Why is the world against me. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come to Taunton. We have no spots, no jobs, no proper skatepark; nasty scumbags at one end of the scale and stuck up, bureaucratic, daily mail reading twats at the other. Suppose it could be most places in England. Anyways come for conformity, little prospects and a pointless existance.

Heres a fun little session we had. I forgot my board and camera but luckily ralph had spares. Civilians must think we are mad hanging about on dark cold afternoons in shitty carparks, skating some sort of coffee table with metal sides. What will confuse them even more is the childish grins on our wee faces.

Ape has made it to the magic number (yes it is, its the magic number). Surviving minor damp, bad farts and every scumbag under the grey rainbow of piss, Ape Skates has well and truly established itself in this stupid excuse for a town. It is a commonly held belief by most skaters in this town that if it wasnt for Ape, there would be no skate scene left. Its a meeting point, a place for any cheap skateboard stuff you want (he'll order you a rare siberian tiger for a fiver if he can get his hands on one), a place for friendly advice (do i masturbate too much russ?), an establishment that does stuff for all the skating community (getting you guys a decent skatepark for a start) and be randomly insulted by Phil Baldwin of black cat records (also a great independent shop, dont worry he wont insult you in his own shop). Keep supporting Ape Skates and it will keep the Taunton and surrounding area scenes alive. Without it you'll want to die!!!!!! (or even worse - rollerblade!!!)

Hello all, this is a short film I made at university in a unusaul period of productiveness. I actually wrote, filmed, directed and starred in this film in the space of three hours and edited it that night (this was one of only a few times a certain plant didnt hinder my motivation). I was filming Marco's final project for his course and thought i could also use the set to my advantage, being that i had to hand in something two days later. Cause it was written and shot in a very small time period some of the angles could've been better and the sound could have been better and my acting is shit, but Marco has his italian chrisma and it defitently worked with my script. Obviously its digital quality, but youtube has raped it. Its my take on what i think god would be like if he actually existed. Oh and it was the time of the tsunami. Hope you enjoy, unless your a evangelical.

411 used to be amazing. Then they did things like the Bam issue. Actually Bam used to be good but now he's a fat emosauraus. He lives off nollie cabs and bigspins on tranny and switch back tails. Chris Wills (check Apes' Dirty Marketing Trick video by Jon Vallance) can do all that and more, why isnt he famous.

Hello everyone. Yes its true - here is a spoiler, but it just couldn't wait. Luke 'Loosey Goosey' Parkman has all ready put down an ender to end all enders. Better than Mariano on Mouse, Jamie Thomas on Welcome to Hell, Dill on Photosynthesis, Marc Johnson on Fully Flared, even his own curtains on Dirty Marketing Trick. If i wiat he could be loosing out on Plan-B sponsership deals right now, sometimes you have a duty to help your friends in this world. Thank you Goose for this breathtaking, heart stopping piece of skating. I love you like Maverick loves you on Top Gun. He may hook up with Ice Man at the end, but it's only to fill that empty cavernous void left by Goose. Ladies and Gentleman I give you Skateboarding History in the making.......

Here is an Ad I made for Ape on 'Scraping the Barrel'. As it was only really distributed to the few people who were on it (it was a video of poor quality footage) I fort I show the rest of you this. I didnt really do much to make it, it was just one of those lucky filming moments.

Here is some footage to whet your appetite, I know its not really been any skating yet. An O'Shea line is always worth waiting for not matter which brother it is.

Also here is an Interview with Mr.Parkman.

skuuuuullllyyyy, im lovin all this. proper cool... im guna ask you some journalist style question's which you need to answer to the best of your abilaty.

Q.For those peeps out there who have seen the previous taunton scene videos, what has changed since then?
A.Summer doesn't exist anymore and cheese has gone up in price.

Q. What can we expect from this video and how will it be laid out, will there be individual parts?
A. At first I was going to do sessions but now it will be individual sections.

Q. People are coming and going, mostly going away from the local scene. who can we expect to see on the vid?
A. You. Everyone still here and also the ones who have escaped. There will be ex-pat sections as well as some new faces.

Q. Could a real life ape kill a fake snake?
A. No. A fake snake was never alive.

Q. Is it true noel edmonds has a full part, to songs long with an ender to end all enders?
A. Well he has been laying down and may have an whole Album for his section. Probably Bonnie Tylers Greatest Hits. Turn around.......

Sometimes you may think i'm on crack. I can assure you that I am. You also may think that the picture quality is poor but if they make it to the dvd extras you'll see them in glorious technocinemasuperdoopertrintrondolbysurroundmegab assblastingawesomness TM.

Bonjour Somerset skating types, welcome to SNAKE BLOG. This is my (Scully) weekly blog (sometimes more often as there is nothing to do in Milverton) leading up to the new APE SKATES video FAKE SNAKES due sometime Spring 2009. Hope you enjoy at least 5% of what I put out. Peace.